A Shift in Focus

What is my goal today?  Is it a self-focused one, like how I can gratify my flesh in some way? 

Maybe a nice meal, buy a trinket or new pair of shoes, post a selfie of how cute I look in my new shoes on Instagram?

Having spent most of my life as my central point of focus, it's an odd feeling to not do it.  But I am learning to live differently under the tutelage of the Holy Spirit.

You can be a narcissist without thinking you're fabulous.  Most of my life, I spent almost all of my days thinking about how messed up I was. But all day my thoughts were about myself, albeit negative ones. When you think about yourself that much, it is an odd form of narcissism. 

The way to soften the intensity of doing that all day is to ameliorate the negative self-thoughts with escapist habits like shopping, overeating, hanging out with an inappropriate human, drinking alcohol, etc. That's a vicious cycle because engaging in escapism makes you beat up on yourself more. 

I did this for my entire life until I turned it all over to Yeshua (Jesus). 

I finally feel relief, for the first time in my life. I don't want to escape anymore. I want to be fully present and utterly available for Him to use (Isaiah 6:8). I want to be centered in Him (instead of myself) and He, in turn, is ordering my day and it's such a load off. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30