ABOUT

Until 33 years of age, I flailed wildly through life with undiagnosed co-occurring disorders.  It wasn't until I had my second child that I felt it was crucial to get help.

When you live alone and do self-destructive things and act out daily, you think it's simply the way things are. When you become a parent (in my case a single one), you realize you had best straighten your behavior out and right quick.

I was referred to a psychiatrist in my area and he diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. I was bothered by this diagnosis because it seemed to not address everything I was dealing with. It did address a majority of my emotional and behavioral symptoms, but a lot was left out of that umbrella diagnosis.

Most importantly, it did not address my inability to learn like other people.  

I couldn't read a paragraph without having to read it at least 4 times before absorbing it. I knew nothing beyond basics from elementary and middle school.  Here I was at 33 years old and could not tell you much of anything about history, geography, biology, mathematics, etc.  

I was somewhat street smart, from having left home at an early age, but I knew nothing much scholastically. I knew I was intelligent, but it had never been honed due to lack of education and an inability to learn like a normal person.

This caused me to become tremendously insecure and I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Knowing that you know basically nothing and have no one to turn to is very debilitating and shame-inducing. That then spiraled into an endless array of self-destructive behaviors to cope with feeling so inadequate.

I could go into detail but that's not the purpose of this blog.  I wanted more to convey that I ultimately was confirmed as having ADHD and THAT umbrella covered all the other behavioral and emotional madness, as well. 

It's been a very long road, and I will be elaborating upon that journey in far more detail.  For now, suffice it to say, there is no drug and no human that could help me. I left no stone unturned, as far as seeking help for my very difficult emotional and behavioral problems. Nothing helped long term.  

What I found to be the only thing that was life changing was accepting Yeshua (Jesus) as my Savior and developing a very close relationship with Him.  Mind you, I was unable to accomplish that as easily in a congregation because they were not teaching me in a way that a neurodivergent mind could learn. And trying to read a bible with my brain was impossible.

Coming to Him on my own, as a little child (which I emotionally was), and talking to Him in very simple words made all the difference. 

I am still very early on in this walk with Him (even though I've been a believer for 28 years), but I feel  that I am now finally growing, changing and learning for the very first time in my life.  And I want to share that journey with others who may be going through the same conundrum.

I go by the name Orev (Hebrew for Raven). Regarding the title of this blog, Dror is Hebrew for sparrow/freedom. I feel, for the first time, my darkness (Raven) is becoming lighter (sparrow) and I am experiencing a freedom I have never ever known.  I'm crying as I type this. 

I am not good at web design, fancy blog entries, SEO, advertising, marketing, etc.  So the layout of this blog is rather cavemanlike. I will simply be sharing my heart in a very rudimentary way, as the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) leads me.  I hope you will join me on this journey. Maybe we can all help each other navigate the sometimes-rough terrain of learning to walk in the Spirit when the brain won't follow.