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Sanctified, Purified, Clean and Holy


With ADHD comes a host of unsavory behaviors that keep you in their grip. When you are engaging in these behaviors, you usually do so in secret. Dark alleyways come to mind. 

Everything about these behaviors feels forbidden, unacceptable and utterly unholy. As a neurodivergent born-again believer, you find yourself living with your feet in both worlds.  You cannot extract yourself from your ingrained habits and none of your fellow congregants can understand why you are still in bondage. 

At services you attempt to act upright and above reproach, yet you just got done engaging in a horribly hedonistic tete a tete the day before. You cannot make proper eye contact when you are walking in both worlds.  You're not free in the Spirit and guilt is keeping you from genuine connections.

I went through deliverance sessions, counseling sessions, one on ones with leadership, etc. etc. Nothing helped because no one was speaking my crazy-assed-brain language. It never dawned on me to throw myself on the ground and scream for God, Himself, to please help me.

28 years into my half-baked relationship with Yeshua, I had finally come to end of my rope.

There was no one that could help and I, literally, was at death's door from one of my many addictions. This time was the big one. I almost lost my life. I had lost everything, on earth, that I had once thought mattered. 

It was only then that I realized that everything I was engaging in was literally self-harm. HELLLOOOOOOOOO!  So, I sat down and simply said a childlike prayer to Yeshua (Jesus) that was similar to AA step 1. And I felt heard.

I admitted to God that I had no control over my addictions or behavior and that I was powerless to change on my own. And I asked Him to simply help me stop harming myself.

I had also prayed for Him to open my eyes to see how my behavior was affecting myself and others. 

Amazingly it worked. I was now seeing that my behaviors were hurting me badly and, in turn, affecting everyone in my life negatively.  It hit me that If God made this body and I have presumably died to self and His Spirit dwells in me, how dare I hurt myself? How dare I not treat myself with the utmost care, as Daniel did? 

So I started saying to myself the following:
  • Alcohol hurts me
  • Unprotected sex with multiple partners hurts me
  • Skin picking hurts me
  • Hair pulling hurts me
  • Overworking hurts me
  • Coffee hurts me
  • Overeating hurts me
  • Shopping obsessively hurts me
  • Raging at others hurts me
  • Singles sights hurt me
  • Gossip hurts me
  • Social media and comparing myself to others hurts me
  • Hating my body hurts me
  • Driving recklessly hurts me
  • Exaggerating and dishonesty hurt me
  • Procrastinating hurts me
  • Pornography hurts me
  • Not learning/reading, because I don't think I can, hurts me
So, I took a single step of throwing out a full can of beer.  I took another step the next day and blocked a person on FB I had been having sex with for years that left me and moved away. I took another step and threw out a thong that was one of my favorites to wear for sex nights. I took another step and filled my jar of instant coffee with water, so it was no longer usable. One step at a time, of denying myself in these odd little ways and it was actually working!

I feel FREE. One step at a time of respecting myself because I AM HOLY GROUND NOW. 


It is unbelievable the eye contact I can make and the freedom I feel in just one day of denying my flesh. Enough! It is finally done. I am sanctified, purified, clean and holy because I:

1. Addressed my Abba (Father) in Heaven directly

2. I acknowledged my lifetime of sinning

3. I repented of all those sins

4. I acknowledged that Yeshua (Jesus) is Ha Mashiach (the Messiah) and is my Savior and atoned on the tree/cross for my sins.

5. I admitted that nothing can pay for my sins except the blood of Yeshua

6. I asked for the Ruach Ha Kodesh (Holy Spirit) to come dwell in me forever

7. I accepted this and praised Adonai (God) for my salvation

8. I thanked Adonai for my salvation

9. Amen (So be it)

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Thanks so much for your engagement! Dialogue is crucial!

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