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Trampling the World in Search of You


I've been living the past >50 years like Godzilla, trampling, destroying, ravaging, devouring, everything in my path. 

I've been so angry and emotionally destitute because nothing could fill up the void inside of me.  

Uncontrollable emotions are typical of the neurodivergent mind, always seeking homeostasis. I would look for ways to calm the storm that would surface daily, sometimes many times daily. 

Mood swings could happen as frequently as every ten minutes. Triggers in the form of words innocently spoken by a passerby, a wrong turn on a highway, a social media post that made me envious, etc. would set off such a cascade of emotions that I had to find something to calm them.

The usual cycle would then ensue of my engaging in activities to calm the storm: picking at my skin, pulling my hair out (literally, strand by strand), shopping, eating, random sex, alcohol, caffeine, internet surfing.  Years and years of the same cycle with no let up.  

Throwing myself at your feet and washing them with my tears was the only remedy for my torturous existence. It was YOU who took the pain away Yeshua. YOU. Praise You Adonai, King of Kings, My Savior and Loving Father. 

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. Mark 39
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