I've been living the past >50 years like Godzilla, trampling, destroying, ravaging, devouring, everything in my path.  I've been so angry and emotionally destitute because nothing could fill up the void inside of me.   Uncontrollable emotions are typical of the neurodivergent mind, always seeking homeostasis. I would look for ways to calm the storm that would surface daily, sometimes many times daily.  Mood swings could happen as frequently as every ten minutes. Triggers in the form of words innocently spoken by a passerby, a wrong turn on a highway, a social media post that made me envious, etc. would set off such a cascade of emotions that I had to find something to calm them. The usual cycle would then ensue of my engaging in activities to calm the storm: picking at my skin, pulling my hair out (literally, strand by strand), shopping, eating, random sex, alcohol, caffeine, internet surfing.  Years and years of the same cycle with no let up.   Thr...

What is my goal today?  Is it a self-focused one, like how I can gratify my flesh in some way?  Maybe a nice meal, buy a trinket or new pair of shoes, post a selfie of how cute I look in my new shoes on Instagram? Having spent most of my life as my central point of focus, it's an odd feeling to not do it.  But I am learning to live differently under the tutelage of the Holy Spirit. You can be a narcissist without thinking you're fabulous.   Most of my life, I spent almost all of my days thinking about how messed up I was. But all day my thoughts were about myself, albeit negative ones. When you think about yourself that much, it is an odd form of narcissism.  The way to soften the intensity of doing that all day is to ameliorate the negative self-thoughts with escapist habits like shopping, overeating, hanging out with an inappropriate human, drinking alcohol, etc. That's a vicious cycle because engaging in escapism makes you beat up on yourself more. ...

With ADHD comes a host of unsavory behaviors that keep you in their grip. When you are engaging in these behaviors, you usually do so in secret. Dark alleyways come to mind.  Everything about these behaviors feels forbidden, unacceptable and utterly unholy. As a neurodivergent born-again believer, you find yourself living with your feet in both worlds.  You cannot extract yourself from your ingrained habits and none of your fellow congregants can understand why you are still in bondage.  At services you attempt to act upright and above reproach, yet you just got done engaging in a horribly hedonistic tete a tete the day before. You cannot make proper eye contact when you are walking in both worlds.  You're not free in the Spirit and guilt is keeping you from genuine connections. I went through deliverance sessions, counseling sessions, one on ones with leadership, etc. etc. Nothing helped because no one was speaking my crazy-assed-brain language. It never dawned on m...

Introversion is a common trait among neurodivergent people. Insecurities, addictions, phobias, anxiety, etc. all play a part.  This makes regular fellowship a difficult task and the overwhelm of dealing with so much external stimuli compounds the issue.  A danger to watch out for is isolating so long that it may cause a burst of faux extroversion and subsequent oversharing with the wrong people. Why do we tell people our plans, hopes, dreams, successes?  Are we seeking their approval? Do we need feedback?  I have always felt the momentum of my goals/plans slowed as soon as I shared with someone that was not meant to hear them. I have also noted that it was usually when I felt, in my spirit, not to share and went against that feeling. Little by little, Yeshua (Jesus) is teaching me that moderation is key.  Finding key people that are in authoritative or qualified positions to entrust with personal information who will give wise biblical counsel is most important....